


this is not a love story

by etherealminsuga



Series: it's always darkest before the dawn [1]
Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Complicated Pasts, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Gang AU, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mafia AU, Mentions of Anxiety, Mild Language, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Swearing, Yoongi has anxiety, alternative universe, side namjin, side vkook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-05 02:23:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealminsuga/pseuds/etherealminsuga
Summary: Min Yoongi stopped searching for his soulmate a long time ago. The world had been cruel to him, so he decided to be cruel to the world. Being the most infamous hitman for Bangtan, one of the most powerful gangs in Seoul, does help with that. But what happens if Bangtan take down another gang that tried to mess with them, only to be confronted with their prisoner, a girl with a flower on her wrist? A flower that looks oddly familiar to Min Yoongi's soul mark.or: everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, which they share with their soulmate.





	1. prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, everyone. first of all, thank you for reading, this means a lot to me. please be aware that i haven't really published anything for a few years. earlier in my life i used to publish a ton of fanfictions and original stories on a different website and i had a lot of fun doing so, but after some time i got very self-conscious about my writing and put everything down. this will be the first longer project i will be posting, and i have some other ones in my drafts. i continued to write over the years, but posting it will be very different. i just hope some of you will enjoy my writing. please leave a comment, constructive criticism is always welcome. enjoy reading!

Min Yoongi rarely spent the nights sleeping. He rather slept over the course of the day, as he didn't like the sunlight, so he escaped it whenever he could. The night was when he was really awake. Cold nights with the moon barely shining above his head and only the stars above him to keep him company. Calm nights when he seemed to be the only one awake. The only one besides his victims. 

Speaking of which, one of them just happened to walk out of his building. 'Stupid man', Yoongi thought. 'We sent you a warning, but you're still too proud to get protection.' "Not my fault", he muttered as he pulled the trigger. Two seconds later the man was on the ground, lying in a small pool of his own blood. On tv you see victims moving and shaking a lot before they die, but in real life things were different. Min Yoongi knew how to kill someone as quickly and quietly as possible. He just didn't like taking care of the mess afterwards. No, that was something Jungkook and V would take care of for him, as always. He saw their stolen van driving up the street towards the corpse as he packed his bag and walked to the door that led to the staircase of the abandoned building. Yoongi trusted his members, they'd take care of everything, as always. They knew not to wait for him. He had other things to do tonight. 

Looking downwards Min Yoongi noticed that the bandage around his wrist had shifted downwards and you could see the mark on his skin. His fingers lingered on it for a second, before he shook his head and pulled it up again. He would have to fix it, once he came home in the morning. But now he really had other things to do.

In the same night, in a city only a few miles away from Seoul, a girl was walking home from her library. She was shivering. “Damn it”, she cursed. “How is it this cold already, it’s Septemer for god’s sake.” A loud noise made her snap her head around, her hand in which she held her keys shot like a weapon in front of her. But there was no one to be seen. ‘Probably just a stray. Or a drunken old dude who can’t stand straight anymore’, she calmed herself down, before she continued walking, her pace quicker than before. You can never be too cautious in the city at night. No one knows what kind of predator might linger in the shadows. 

More out of habit than out of fear the girl grabbed her left wrist, her thumb sliding over the mark on her skin. A flower, drawn with one single stroke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading, i'll do my best to upload consistently. if you enjoyed reading this, please leave me some feedback.


	2. anxiety and sleeping pills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i'm finally back. please excuse if updates take a while. i really enjoyed writing this chapter as it gives kind of a characterization of Yoongi and a little insight to the other members. also please excuse if my writing seems kind of off at some points, it has been a while since i've written any fictional work in english and i think i have to get used to it again. hopefully, i'll improve a bit with each new chapter. thank you also so much for the kudos! hope you enjoy!

"Where the hell have you been?", Hoseok asked as Yoongi stepped into the living room. "Working, Hoseok, you should try that too someday. How long have you been sitting on that couch watching cartoons? It's been at least 48 hours." Hoseok crossed his arms in front of his body in defense. "For the record, I've switched to reality tv over five hours ago. Which you couldn't possibly know because you weren't here. Tae and Jungkook came in ages ago, so where the fuck were you?" Yoongi sighed as he grabbed a drink out of the fridge and settled himself next to his friend on the couch.  
"Outside. What is that shit?", he asked and nodded at the screen, where a woman had suddenly started to scream and thrown herself on the floor of a kitchen. "That's Kitchen Nightmares, you really need to watch some more television, hyung. And don't avoid my questions. Walking around the city searching for fights is not part of your job description, Yoongi-hyung. And it's not healthy either. You should try and sleep more, you're starting to look even sicker than usual."  
Yoongi tried to ignore his comments and took a sip of his drink while acting as if he followed the show on television. "I'm worried about you. We all are. Of course what we do isn't a vacation trip to Hawaii, but still... you're gonna get yourself killed one day", Hoseok sighed. His hyung huffed.  
"That's part of our job, and even if, why do you give a fuck? I certainly don't, so why should you?" He tried his best to ignore the shocked look on his friend's face. "Because we're friends, you idiot, we're more than that, we're freaking family. Sorry that I do give a fuck whether you live or die." Yoongi closed his eyes and laid his head back. "Hoseok, you're giving me a headache, can't you leave me alone just for one single day? I promise that I won't get myself killed, but you're not making it better. So what if I'm not feeling at my absolute best at the moment? Give me a few days and it'll get better, you know that." He acted as if he didn't hear Hoseok's whispered "but what if it doesn't" and pretended to have fallen asleep, which resulted in him actually falling asleep.

Hoseok sighed and let his head rest on Yoongi's shoulder, a pout on his lips and worries on his mind.  
"How's he doing?" He looked up, seeing Namjoon and Jin standing in the doorway. "If he continues this much longer we'll only be six at the end of the year. I'm honestly worried about him", he answered to Bangtan's leader, who shook his head, looking devastated, only looking up when Jin laid his hand on his shoulder.  
"He'll be fine. We'll take care of him. We always do. That's what families are for." "We won't be able to protect him from the demons on his mind for much longer. I only have a vague idea of what he's going through, but it's bad, way worse than before, Jin." The young doctor thought for a moment before mumbling, "maybe if I get him some meds..." "The meds won't help him!", Hoseok said, much louder and harsher than he intended to. He made sure that Yoongi was still asleep and then shot his friend an apologizing look. "I'm sorry, I just have a bad feeling, that's all." "I know, Hoseok. We'll find a solution for this. But now we have to concentrate on tomorrow night. We need to wipe out this son of a bitch before he finds a way to get revenge on us. Afterward, we'll take care of Yoongi."  
  
  
Hoseok sat upright at the sudden change of topic. He hadn't forgotten about their mission, but had put it in the back of his mind, not wanting to think about it, as it made him panic at the bare thought of it."Of course. When will the others be here?" Namjoon looked down at his watch. "About an hour or two, so shut off that shitshow and take Yoongi upstairs, he can sleep after the meeting. And please make sure he really sleeps tonight, if something goes wrong tomorrow..." He left his sentence unfinished, but it still sent shivers through their spines. Tomorrow would be the most important night of their lives, and also their most dangerous one. Thinking about that made Hoseok uncomfortable, so he did as Namjoon said while Jin started to make coffee for everyone.

Min Yoongi was half asleep when his friend dragged him upstairs to his bedroom and only groaned when Hoseok reminded him that they had a meeting in about an hour. “There's literally no need for me to attend, I know the plan, I'm not stupid", he complained, while Hoseok started to roam his closet for some clean clothes.  
"For the past few days you didn't care about sleeping, but when there's actually something important to do you are tired", the younger noted. Yoongi huffed and tried to get under the covers. "If you say so."  
"Min Yoongi, don't you dare go under those covers, or I'm gonna come back with buckets of water and the maknaes! Today is very important, you know that, and normally you wouldn't act like this, so get your shit together! We are all here to help you, but you have to let us! And now is literally the worst time for your stupid and reckless behavior, so get yourself under a shower! You look more like a beggar than a hitman." The older swallowed. It was very unusual for Hoseok to loose his sunny personality around the house, and Yoongi could not remember the last time he heard the younger talk to someone like that. On any other day he might have started a fight with him, but not today.  
"You literally are the most annoying person I know, Jung Hoseok", was the only thing that came out of his mouth, trying to hide the fact that Hoseok’s words had affected him in any way. “I’m also one of the only people who give a fuck about you.” Hoseok shot him a look, that could have been interpreted as a death glare, and held some clothes out for him. "Please", he said, and that was all it took for Min Yoongi to follow the younger one's request, not wanting to get into a bigger discussion with his friend.

Shutting the bathroom door behind him he threw the new clothes in the sink, undressed and quickly got under the shower before he fell asleep on the bathmat. He hissed when the cold water hit his skin. 'Living in a multiple million dollar mansion, but not having warm water when you want it', he thought and hurried to clean up.  
That was when he realized that the bandage was now completely off his wrist, exposing the mark on his skin. He stopped what he was doing and trailed the fine lines with his index finger. Why did it have to be this beautiful? Why couldn't it just be some stupid, ordinary-looking symbol? He remembered how the other boys had made fun of him when he was younger. A boy with a flower as a soulmark. Most people's soulmarks were black, his was of a light, best described as holographic looking grey. When he was just a child he had adored it, had thought it was the most beautiful thing on this planet; but with time he had learned to hide it, to be ashamed of it.  
Nowadays it only brought him pain to see it. He had given up hope that he would ever find his soulmate, and even if he did, his soulmate wouldn't want to be with him. Yoongi felt guilt whenever he looked at it, and shame. Soulmates were a weird concept of nature, and he had accepted it a long time ago that he'd never have his, so hiding his soulmark was something he did not necessarily only do because of his job. Most people who were in his line of work hid their soulmarks, as it would be too dangerous to have them be exposed to the police, or worse, other gangs. The only people in his life who knew what Yoongi’s soulmark looked like were the other boys.  
He remembered the evening. It had been a good day and they had ordered a massive amount of takeout to celebrate the first big deal Namjoon had been able to make with another groups leader when the topic of their conversation had changed to the marks on their skin.  
“Do you guys believe in your soulmates?”, Jimin had asked while shoveling way too much food in his mouth. Yoongi had tried not to show any feelings, but he suddenly became sad. He hated talking about this. After some talking Namjoon had the idea of showing each other their soulmarks, as a sign of their trust and loyalty. Their leader had gone first, rolling up his right sleeve to expose a rather plain symbol, two black squares that formed a shield-like symbol on his right wrist. No one had been surprised when Jin showed them the exact same symbol on his left wrist while smiling at Namjoon. One by one they had shown off their marks.  
They all had laughed when Hoseok showed them a circle and some lines that looked very similar to a sun. Jimin had proudly shown off his mark, a combination of lines that looked like a letter from an unknown alphabet.  
When it was Jungkooks term his cheeks had turned red. “Mine’s gone”, he had whispered, slowly pulling away the bandage he had on his wrist. It was quiet for a few moments before Taehyung broke the silence. “Mine too”, he had said and held his wrist out to him.  
“Your turn, Yoongi”, Namjoon had said and looked at him expectingly. He had closed his eyes when he showed the flower on his arm and heard the rest of Bangtan gasp. “Holy shit, that is gorgeous”, Hoseok had said and had grabbed his wrist. “It’s a flower”, Yoongi had huffed and ripped his arm away from him, covering the mark with the bandana he kept around his wrist at that time.

Yoongi leaned his forehead against the bathroom wall, a familiar pain building in his chest. He couldn't put in words how much he hated the feeling of anxiety, the shivers that went through his body and the pain that built up in his chest. His fingers reached out and he changed the now lukewarm water back to ice-cold. It was one of the things that helped fastest with his attacks, just standing under the ice-cold water until his skin started to feel numb. It felt as if the water washed every emotion out of his body. He knew it wasn't true, but he wished that it would be.

The loud noises went quiet for a moment when Yoongi stepped inside their conference room, the clothes Hoseok had given him clinging to his body, his hair still slightly wet from the shower, and a new bandage around his right wrist. Hopefully, this one would last a bit longer. Everyone soon went back to chatting, but a few pairs of eyes stayed on him while he made his way over to Bangtan's inner circle.  
  
"You look much better", Hoseok smiled at him and Namjoon nodded. "Yeah, not much better than the corpse me and Tae had to get rid of tonight, but still..." Yoongi shot an annoying glance at their youngest member, who only grinned at him. "Shut your mouth before you end like that piece of garbage, Kookie", he answered and leaned against the billiard table that stood in the corner of the room. "Leave him alone, Kookie, don't you see it, the poor man is getting old. Shall I get you a wheelchair, Suga?", Taehyung asked, holding back his laughter. Yoongi ignored the younger's comments and looked around them. "Are you sure we really need that many people, Namjoon?", he asked in a lower voice. "Better too many than not enough, right?" He eyed his leader, who looked just as tired and exhausted as Yoongi felt. "The more people that are in, the more people could betray us. Jae pays well." Namjoon sighed heavily and looked around the room, his eyes taking in everything. "This could be our only chance, Yoongi", he spoke under his breath. "There's no way back now. We are going through with it, just as we planned it." Yoongi's answer was a simple nod. He trusted Namjoon, he just didn't want him to do something he would regret later. Not that their plan would bring any regrets with it. No, killing Sung Jay would not give Yoongi any sleepless nights. There were other reasons for those.

Talking everyone through the plan took much longer than they had expected. Namjoon had to explain everything at least ten times, and even after the tenth time people were still raising their hands to ask questions about obvious things. Yoongi yawned, wishing for nothing more than his bed and sleep that would last for more than his typical four hours. He knew that he was close to a breakdown if he didn't sleep tonight, and made a mental note to take some of the sleeping pills Jin stored in his medicine cabinet. The older wouldn't approve of it, but he needed them, he could take care of his other problems after tomorrow night.  
Suddenly everyone seemed to stare at him and he only realized that it wasn't only his anxiety when Namjoon cleared his throat. "Suga? Can you please repeat what your part of the team will do tomorrow?" 

It was two hours later when Yoongi finally closed the door to his bedroom and locked it, removing his shoes and socks on his way to the bed and shoving his pants down his legs. He then turned to shutter the windows and that's when he saw the message on his nightstand. 'These are the last ones', it read. Next to it was a full glass of water and two small pills. Yoongi quickly swallowed them and downed the cold water before getting under the covers. He grabbed the nearest pillow and wrapped himself around it, that was the fastest way he could fall asleep, as it gave him the feeling that he wasn't alone when in fact he was. His fingers clung to the fabric and the last thing he thought was 'thanks, Seokjin' before darkness surrounded him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it for today, i hope you enjoyed it. please leave feedback and if there are any mistakes please let me know! thank you so much for reading, and i'll see you soon. bye!


End file.
